Feast your eyes
An effortless architectural grace; a public transport system that works; a population not half as rude as you think – Paris has a certain je ne sais quoi about it, says Jon Henley
It’s the only city I know where you can go out of the door, walk in any direction and be sure that what you see will be easy on the eye. An effortless architectural grace; a public transport system that works; a population that's not half as rude as you think (providing you observe the Gallic social niceties); a lot less stress, a lot more more savoir vivre: civilisation as we know it, basically. Plus, it's easier to get a damn good meal for not many pennies here than almost anywhere else.
Of course, you’d be daft to miss the best of the classics. No matter how many times you’ve done them, set time aside to see one or more of: the Eiffel tower, Notre Dame and the Isle St Louis, Luxembourg Gardens, the Marais and Place des Vosges, the Louvre and Tuileries, the Pompidou Centre and the Champs-Elysees. Squeeze in a bateau-mouche, or even better the Batobus, which takes you along the Seine from, for example, Notre Dame to the Eiffel tower - and lets you get off and on at several places in between.
Best view
The Eiffel Tower
L'incontournable, as they say: the unavoidable. There'll probably be a queue, but it is almost always worth the wait. The stairs are for the seriously fit; plus, the moment when the glass-sided lift emerges into the daylight and all Paris is spread before you is too breathtaking to miss. Open late, every day of the year. The restaurant's not bad either.
Nearest metro: Bir-Hakeim, Trocadero, Ecole Militaire; www.tour-eiffel.fr/
Best thing to do for free
The Luxembourg gardens
Stroll around this most Parisian of Paris parks for a morning: all the city, sooner or later, will be there, from well-brought-up sixth arrondissement children in the excellent play area to starstruck lovers, elderly chess players, boulistes, nutters, book addicts, tai chi practitioners, joggers, bag ladies and model yachtsmen.
Nearest metro: Odeon
Where to watch the world go by
Les Deux Magots
A cafe terrace is the place to go, of course, but choose it carefully: not too much sun, not too much shade, not too much traffic noise. Some of the best are on the Left Bank; for a concentrated shot of what has always made Paris Paris, everyone should experience the Deux Magots or its neighbouring Flore (if you can bear spending that much on a coffee) once in their lives. Remember: Verlaine, Mallarme, Beckett, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Dali, Eluard and Picasso were there before you.
170 Boulevard St Germain; Metro: St-Germain-des-Pres
Nighttime hangout
Batofar
A large red boat moored on the Seine by the new national library, the Batofar houses a restaurant on deck and bars, dancefloors and chill-out room down below. Live sets from invariably interesting up-and-coming bands kicks off most evenings, with some big-name DJs taking over later. Deeply branché, despite the fact that access involves a potentially perilous hike along the quayside.
Opposite 11 Quai Francois Mauriac; Metro: Bibliotheque Francois Mitterand, Quai de la Gare; Tel: 01 53 60 17 30; www.batofar.org/
Cultural highlight
The Louvre
And not just for the recently moved Mona Lisa … The world's most visited museum is quietest first thing in the morning. You can whiz round ticking off the biggies in the three wings and 10 collections (from Ancient Egypt to Decorative Arts), but this is a place to spend the whole day exploring. Do, though, get a map. Free on the first Sunday of each month.
Cour Napoleon; Tel: 01 40 20 53 17; Metro: Palais-Royal-Musee du Louvre; www.louvre.fr/
Bring back
Paris 2012 T-shirt
Innumerable Paris souvenir shops will give you a good price on a Paris 2012 T-shirt, which has to be a chic accessory now that the Games won't be here for many decades to come.
Leave there
Caricatures from Montmartre
Try to avoid buying anything in Montmartre, in fact, most particularly a caricature from one of the artists on the Place du Tertre. (The one exception is if the man with the scissors is there: cut out of a sheet of black paper in seconds, his silhouettes are actually quite special).
Time for love
The Seine quaysides
In summer, the Seine quaysides around the two islands of La Cite and St Louis, and the Pont des Arts are just the place for romance. Magical, if you can beat other like-minded canoodling couples to a bench.
Best-kept secret (till now)
The gardens of the Palais Royal
These are immaculate, perfectly proportioned, enclosed by boutique-filled arcades and not half as well known as their bigger but much more crowded sister, the Tuileries. They also contain (for those with small children) quite the chic-est sandpit in Paris.
The thing to eat
Steak frites
Your archetypal Gallic nosh is done nowhere better than at the utterly fabulous steak-frites specialist Le Relais de l'Entrecote (they do nothing but, you can't book ahead and there's no menu).
Le Relais de l'Entrecote; 15 rue Marboeuf
Green space
The Buttes Chaumont
Parks are not Paris's strongest point, but the Buttes Chaumont is a down-to-earth alternative to the altogether more bourgeois (and crowded) Luxembourg. Located on a rocky hill in the 19th arrondissement in north-east Paris, it also gives views of much of the city, including the Sacre Coeur.
Best ride
Bateau Mouche
Little can beat floating down the Seine when your aching feet have had enough. Try Bateaux Mouches, which leave from the Pont d’Alma, and Bateaux Parisiens, which pick up from near the Eiffel Tower. Both are packed in summer, but they do give you the best possible view of the world's most handsome cityscape.
Keep the kids happy
The Cite des Sciences
A little way out of the centre, but a genuinely brilliant kids' science experience.
30 Avenue Corentin-Cariou; Metro: Porte de la Villette; www.cite-sciences.fr/
Escape the crowds
Canal St Martin
It’s not easy to escape the crowds in Paris, especially between April and September. Try the Canal St Martin, particularly on Sundays when the roads either side are pedestrianised. You won’t escape the bobo Parisians, granted - but there'll be very few tourists.
The film to see before I go
Amelie
Or Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain. Now they've lost the Olympics we can afford to harbour nice feelings about the French, can't we? This delighful and wholly whimsical piece of candyfloss shows French directors can please crowds as well as critics.
... and the novel to read
Paris Trance
Geoff Dyer’s novel is meandering and atmospheric and gives a real feel for the city. Or for non-fiction, go for New Yorker writer Adam Gopnik's wonderful Paris to the Moon, quite the most cultured and intelligent work by a Paris correspondent to be published in recent years.
Where to eat (budget)
Chez Casimir
Run by the same chef as the more upmarket Chez Michel almost next door, this is the bare-table, stripped-down, half-price and totally delicious Paris bistro par excellence.
6 rue de Belzunce, a few 100 yards from the Gare du Nord; Tel: 01 48 78 28 80
Where to eat (moderate)
Aux Lyonnais
Culinary megastar Alain Ducasse bought this wonderful belle epoque bistro a couple of years ago and gave it (and its menu) a thorough once-over. First-class fare, and nowhere near as weighty as the Lyon original.
32 rue St-Marc; Tel: 01 42 96 65 04
Where to eat (posh)
Le Grand Vefour
Guy Martin's three-star restaurant overlooking the Palais Royal gardens offers quite simply some of the best cooking you are ever likely to experience. Book several weeks ahead.
17 Rue de Beaujolais; Tel: 01 42 96 56 27; Metro: Pyramides, Bourse
Where to stay (budget)
Hotel Regyn's Montmartre
Superbly located in bustling Abbesses, the heart of Amelie country, about half the rooms in this welcoming, well-priced hotel offer spectacular views over the city.
18 Place des Abbesses; Tel: 01 42 54 45 21; www.regynsmontmartre.com/
Where to stay (moderate)
Hotel du Pantheon
Excellent location, a stone's throw from the Luxembourg Gardens and right opposite the Pantheon, this classy 18th-century, 34-room hotel was renovated in 2001 in Louis XVI style and boasts - besides some spectacular views of the last resting place of France's great and good - a delightful courtyard comeplete with chestnut tree.
19 Place du Pantheon; Tel: 01 46 34 19 60; www.hoteldupantheon.com/
Where to stay (posh)
Hotel Tremoille
Recently renovated and seriously stylish boutique hotel in Paris's Golden Triangle. Manages to marry its original elegance with a multitude of unobtrusive and very classy modern touches. Excellent restaurant, Senso, on the ground floor.
14 rue de la Tremoille; Tel: 01 56 52 14 00; www.hotel-tremoille.com/
Find out what's on
Pariscope
Pick up a copy of Pariscope or l'Officiel des Spectacles from any newsagent or kiosque
Get there from the airport
Airport transfer: take the RER
Most of you will be travelling by Eurostar, so this doesn't really arise. Otherwise RER from Roissy/Charles de Gaulle, Orlyval plus RER from Orly. Cheap, fast, reliable (except on strike days). A taxi will set you back €30-40 depending on the time of day. Above all, NEVER take a taxi to return to the airport; the least traffic jam on the Paris ring road and you'll miss your plane.
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