To look less like a gringo don’t take a towel to the beach, buy a sarong or kanga - sold everywhere for two or three pounds. Also avoid changing on the beach as wriggling into or out of your cossie attracts looks of incredulity from Brazilians. Although the girls are happy to wear “dental floss” bikinis, going topless will attract lots of unwanted attention.

If you want to join in a game of football on the beach, just ask. Most guys will be happy to oblige and, given the language barrier in Brazil, it’s a good way of going native. They’ll probably make monkey of you, but if you score a goal, you’ll have a fantastic story to bore your mates with back home.

Do all this on Ipanema-Leblon - Copacobana is about as cool as Eastbourne.

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