You're in a cold, smelly suburban train full of drunken youths going back to the outskirts. There's no escape and so you need a train seller. They come one after another advertising their wares in powerful voices no earplugs can fight off. These guys can feed you (crisps, nuts, dried squid), get you drunk (beer and alcopops), keep you warm (socks and mittens) and educated (everything from neo-nazi newspapers to bibles and Readers Digest).

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