Most of you will be travelling by Eurostar, so this doesn't really arise. Otherwise RER from Roissy/Charles de Gaulle, Orlyval plus RER from Orly. Cheap, fast, reliable (except on strike days). A taxi will set you back €30-40 depending on the time of day. Above all, NEVER take a taxi to return to the airport; the least traffic jam on the Paris ring road and you'll miss your plane.

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Pick up a copy of Pariscope or l'Officiel des Spectacles from any newsagent or kiosque

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Excellent location, a stone's throw from the Luxembourg Gardens and right opposite the Pantheon, this classy 18th-century, 34-room hotel was renovated in 2001 in Louis XVI style and boasts - besides some spectacular views of the last resting place of France's great and good - a delightful courtyard comeplete with chestnut tree.

19 Place du Pantheon; Tel: 01 46 34 19 60; www.hoteldupantheon.com/

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Culinary megastar Alain Ducasse bought this wonderful belle epoque bistro a couple of years ago and gave it (and its menu) a thorough once-over. First-class fare, and nowhere near as weighty as the Lyon original.

32 rue St-Marc; Tel: 01 42 96 65 04

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Run by the same chef as the more upmarket Chez Michel almost next door, this is the bare-table, stripped-down, half-price and totally delicious Paris bistro par excellence.

6 rue de Belzunce, a few 100 yards from the Gare du Nord; Tel: 01 48 78 28 80

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Geoff Dyer’s novel is meandering and atmospheric and gives a real feel for the city. Or for non-fiction, go for New Yorker writer Adam Gopnik's wonderful Paris to the Moon, quite the most cultured and intelligent work by a Paris correspondent to be published in recent years.

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Or Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie Poulain. Now they've lost the Olympics we can afford to harbour nice feelings about the French, can't we? This delighful and wholly whimsical piece of candyfloss shows French directors can please crowds as well as critics.

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It’s not easy to escape the crowds in Paris, especially between April and September. Try the Canal St Martin, particularly on Sundays when the roads either side are pedestrianised. You won’t escape the bobo Parisians, granted - but there'll be very few tourists.

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Little can beat floating down the Seine when your aching feet have had enough. Try Bateaux Mouches, which leave from the Pont d’Alma, and Bateaux Parisiens, which pick up from near the Eiffel Tower. Both are packed in summer, but they do give you the best possible view of the world's most handsome cityscape.

www.bateaux-mouches.fr/; www.bateauxparisiens.com/

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Parks are not Paris's strongest point, but the Buttes Chaumont is a down-to-earth alternative to the altogether more bourgeois (and crowded) Luxembourg. Located on a rocky hill in the 19th arrondissement in north-east Paris, it also gives views of much of the city, including the Sacre Coeur.

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Your archetypal Gallic nosh is done nowhere better than at the utterly fabulous steak-frites specialist Le Relais de l'Entrecote (they do nothing but, you can't book ahead and there's no menu).

Le Relais de l'Entrecote; 15 rue Marboeuf

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These are immaculate, perfectly proportioned, enclosed by boutique-filled arcades and not half as well known as their bigger but much more crowded sister, the Tuileries. They also contain (for those with small children) quite the chic-est sandpit in Paris.

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Pick up anything in a Colette bag (or, failing that, just the bag): still Paris's most consistently cutting-edge concept/lifestyle store, Colette remains achingly hip (and, unfortunately, horribly expensive).

213 rue du Faubourg St Honore; Tel: 01 55 35 33 90; www.colette.fr/

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This converted railway station on the banks of the Seine is the place to see all the Impressionists (they're upstairs, knee-deep in visitors). Watch out for particularly horrific queues on Tuesday, when other Paris museums and galleries are closed.

1 rue de la Legion d’Honneur; Tel: 01 45 49 11 11;
Metro: Solferino; closed on Mondays/ www.musee-orsay.fr/

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And not just for the recently moved Mona Lisa … The world's most visited museum is quietest first thing in the morning. You can whiz round ticking off the biggies in the three wings and 10 collections (from Ancient Egypt to Decorative Arts), but this is a place to spend the whole day exploring. Do, though, get a map. Free on the first Sunday of each month.

Cour Napoleon; Tel: 01 40 20 53 17; Metro: Palais-Royal-Musee du Louvre; www.louvre.fr/

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A large red boat moored on the Seine by the new national library, the Batofar houses a restaurant on deck and bars, dancefloors and chill-out room down below. Live sets from invariably interesting up-and-coming bands kicks off most evenings, with some big-name DJs taking over later. Deeply branché, despite the fact that access involves a potentially perilous hike along the quayside.

Opposite 11 Quai Francois Mauriac; Metro: Bibliotheque Francois Mitterand, Quai de la Gare; Tel: 01 53 60 17 30; www.batofar.org/

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A cafe terrace is the place to go, of course, but choose it carefully: not too much sun, not too much shade, not too much traffic noise. Some of the best are on the Left Bank; for a concentrated shot of what has always made Paris Paris, everyone should experience the Deux Magots or its neighbouring Flore (if you can bear spending that much on a coffee) once in their lives. Remember: Verlaine, Mallarme, Beckett, Faulkner, Fitzgerald, Dali, Eluard and Picasso were there before you.

170 Boulevard St Germain; Metro: St-Germain-des-Pres

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This is cheaper than the better-known Eiffel Tower, and offers the distinct advantage of being the only place in Paris from which you cannot see the monstrosity of the tour itself. Of course, the writer Guy de Maupassant used to say exactly the same thing about dining half way up the Eiffel Tower. Next best great view: from the steps of the Sacre Coeur in Montmartre.

Nearest metro: Edgar Quinet; www.tourmontparnasse56.com/

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Stroll around this most Parisian of Paris parks for a morning: all the city, sooner or later, will be there, from well-brought-up sixth arrondissement children in the excellent play area to starstruck lovers, elderly chess players, boulistes, nutters, book addicts, tai chi practitioners, joggers, bag ladies and model yachtsmen.

Nearest metro: Odeon

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L'incontournable, as they say: the unavoidable. There'll probably be a queue, but it is almost always worth the wait. The stairs are for the seriously fit; plus, the moment when the glass-sided lift emerges into the daylight and all Paris is spread before you is too breathtaking to miss. Open late, every day of the year. The restaurant's not bad either.

Nearest metro: Bir-Hakeim, Trocadero, Ecole Militaire; www.tour-eiffel.fr/

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