Either heaven or hell, depending on your preference. Affectionately known as "The Whorehouse", all expats and many tourists arrive here eventually unaware of the horrors that lie within. Any sports event worth its salt is shown here, from American football to League Two play-off semi finals.

There are surly bartenders who will only answer shouts of 'Dyevushka!' (“girl!”), a happy hour before 6pm and decent American food. The real draw card for the expat community is on Sunday, when the place is packed with prostitutes and prospective expat clients.

If it's culture you're looking for, you've come to the wrong place, but it's open all night and you're guaranteed some sort of a spectacle at some point. In spite of everything, it's difficult not to have a good time here.

Zemlyonoi Val; nearest metro: Kurskaya (brown ring / dark blue line)

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Don't bother with inflated prices and dressing up for a restaurant. Get yourself a kartoshka (baked potato) with a variety of fillings, a blini with smoked salmon and smetana (Russian sour cream), some tost (toasted sarnie) or a hot dog from any of the numerous and popular street stands.

You can just point and say “Da” if you don't speak the lingo, as the ladies in the stand will treat you like an idiot even if your Russian is perfect. Wash it down with a Baltika, Nevskoye or Zolotnaya Bochka beer. Beer is considered a non-alcoholic drink, although drinking vodka on the street may get you in trouble.

Find yourself a bench on ul Tverskaya, Alexandrovsky Sad, one of the beautiful bulvars, or Red Square itself (when the young guards let you). Sit on top of the bench rather than the seat, and watch the pink-clad Russian ladies and wannabe gangsters/movie stars/oligarchs wander past. Drinks and a meal, Moscow style.

Anywhere in this beautiful city. Most street stands are either in or near a metro station

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Take The Scorpions' advice and follow the Moskva down to Gorky Park. Basically a big theme park, it's a bit rubbish, but there's a ferris wheel with a great view of the city. That's if you can keep your eyes open and ignore the dodgy looking Soviet engineering and the even dodgier looking guy who's operating it.

Get off the metro at Park Kultury station (Russians know it as Culture Park) and head for the impressive entry gates. After you’ve been on the wheel, go to Krimsky bridge and head for Sculpture Park, off Krimsky Val. This is where the Russian government decided to house the majority of Soviet era statues after 1991, and there are some wonderfully evocative works on show. They're all here - Lenin, Stalin, Dzerzhinsky, Brezhnev. A great place to wander, imagine or just get a few obligatory 'communism shots'. There's a small entry fee, and look out for the hideous/amazing statue of Peter the Great by the river.

Park Kultury Metro (on the brown ring / red line)

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A huge electronics market, Gorbushka is the place to get CDs, DVDs, and anything electrical, from iPods to TVs, in Moscow. Piracy is not illegal in Russia - the government itself reportedly uses pirated software on their computers.

Pirated CDs go for about 100 roubles, and MP3 CDs are common and cheap here. DVDs are about 100 to 300 roubles depending on the release, and you can find some real bargains if you shop around.

Go to Bagrationovskaya metro (four stops west from Kievskaya metro on the light blue line) and follow the crowds and big red signs

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